o3:07 am,a winter night but not feeling the coolness around,the light of the laptop screen guiding me like the beacon of light to write but feeling a load of energy inside waiting to explode and so many many tons and tons of ideas( won't bore u with that at list for now).
today i am trying to understand myself much more and in such a depth and a one liner is ringing on my head
that don't take your life too seriously & analyze it to such an depth that its not worth living after that

in the sence that too much understanding would spoil the spontaneous and liveliness and and again recalling another dialogue said by a senior of mine "bande mein spark hone chahiye ( the guy said be having a spark{fire in the belly})".
whats the use of living just for the sake of living, live with a mission then life would be so so much wonderful .Actually steepness of mission is i believe is directly proportional to quality of life u are living, again let me remind u "quality is a relative term".
but battling all those various personalities in my mind created of such blabirrish self talk to myself, i would like to state that i am bit of a "realize later arrogant type of person".In fact again this is also relative to the person i am interacting with and that i might as said previously ,probably out of deep useless self thinking came out with this hypothesis with only a single person(that's me obviously) as the key witness, judge ,prosecution acussed of the case , so might be off track a lil bit.
Whatever might be the case, be so it as it may be and talking myself out of this boredom (u being no exception), i wish to propose another hypothesis that swarajya party launched in 1923( not sure absolutely about the date) a party lauched by C.R Das and nehru's daddy was a kind of "against the run of play" type of party.
while many of the congress comrades opposed to join hands with british govt.,mainly these two guys doublehandedly disagreed and went ahead to contest the election.The thing is that there is a kahawat in english

"power corrupts people and absolute power corrupts absolutely"

, though this piece was written down in around 1938 by george orwell in his epic book 1984, which incidentally is few years later to formation of swarajya party as u might have not but should have realised, but the kahawat now in hindi or for that matter in any language is amply clear that power oozes corruption like a dead fish stiking pungently, since early days.
but daddyji and das did a commendable job to fight the govt. from inside and never bowing down to their policies which were anti indian despite all the might of the british empire imposed upon them, their whole philosophy was unlike the moderates who supported and were not aggressive they would be opposite.They would fiercely oppose all anti-Indian bills and vote against it ( of course, that didn't have final impact on the bills as such because of overpowering power vested by them [govt.]upon themselves and so only dissent of indians were presented in meetings, nonetheless the british stand on various issues was clear now and their policies were clearly evident that these were for the Goras only)
but things never remain hunky dorky always after CR Das death, the party received a serious blow, daddyji was cornered by rest of the opponents inside govt. and slowly inefficiency started to creep in and was seeming to not go with the side of congress policies and was hence loosing public support.Mohan das as ususal did a commendable job to trying to maintain a sort of understanding between the two groups inside congress and finally the party had to quit due to many reason i am not able to recall now.But as later daddyji told our 1st pm of india that they had stuck to their guns and fought its way all through with the govt. which to many a extend is certainly true.
so the thing that we should see from here is that power if taken with a mission ,aim or a noble thought in mind and to fight for it in case of its desertification or isolation and stay put to be a steady rock on the principles on which u had initially took upon the responsibility of power, i see no reason that a real ram rajya (utopian society )cannot be sustained. good day.

another arrow in the quilt

well, my preparation has well and truly began.It now seems this is all i have been doing all my life and that there is nothing unusual about the current precarious situation i am in.What situation you may ask?, well just as an humble man doesn't speak of his great deeds so also an embarrassed person, but so as to tell you the reality
-@ 24 i am still living with my parents
-social life has been replaced with just "life" and irony of the situation is that one of my optionals ( 2 optionals u have to choose for cse, the exam that i am preparing for) is sociology where i read about society , social thinkers, social interactions etc.Basically i am studing something that i am unable to experience. Of course, things like internet, telephone make it a lot easier and helps me to keep and restore my sanity but it would not be a over the top of a statement if i state that i do sometimes find my self on the other side of the line of sanity.
-no job (of course after quiting two)
-no physical activity, i am as if stuck to the room full of books and notes.
-but the clinching moment arrives when you find yourself like an alien in a party, function and specially marriage parties ( where the grooms may be of my age, if not guy then atlist the bride) and people start making enquiries and look up and down and i can sure read their mind that they are measuring me out in every possible angle (i am sure atlist professionaly or monetarily, i certainly wouldn't qualify and thank god for that)


but all this seems trivial for the cause that u have choosen.It seems people forget their roots so easily. Just to give an example (an international one)
if some foreigner comes to india and some how learns that a girl is being is married through arranged way then he/she would be surprized that arranged marriage still takes place in India( not that as if i support it), but the fact of the matter is though now, developed nations have mainly love marriage ( and subsequently hate divorces) it isn't a very old phenomenon occuring through centuries.Studing sociology i find that especially after WWII ended started the baby boom and since that period love marriage started to prosper through factors like govt. also encouraging married people to unmarried ones etc.
so before that , it was much the same everywhere and so the surprize shown by that foreigner is only surprising and if she/ he cared to learn her history/sociology he/she wouldn't have been so surprized.


specially in a place like township, i understand that people are well compensated by the govt. company and that they all lead a highly subsidised life like the BPL of our country ( lol on that).U ask what kinda subsidy, well let me tell u that these bunch of people receive subsidy on possibly everything u could think of and still have tenacity to crib about it( recently met a old guy{his son works here} sayin that he have shelled out few bucks for some special medicine that is not included in the hospital list and some time back ,when he had to go outside for treat ment, his son's medical expenditure exceeded and so had to pay a few bucks extra, i also argued with the old guy that the kind of discount a family of IOCL or other psu's are enjoying are very rare in India{normally i dont get into discussion with strangers, but this guy seemed to get hold of my precise nerve}).subsidy on electricity to such a low level that ac, microwave heater( both cooking and water) etc etc if remained switched for the whole month also would cost a minuscle amount, water is wasted here as if they are themselves producing it through some mechanism where there is no shortage and so gardens hoses are a common sight which would be overflowing .Many subsidy on housing tax and travelling subsidy.
Its as if people in township is leading an utopain life without any pain and hardwork and so the progenies coming out of here are a confused lot, my sister being no exception ( facebook and VHI on sight but alu paratha on hand).I wonder if there will be a day in India in future where the poorest of the poor leads a life like these people or atlist like the household workers who live here(i forgot to mention that there are separate quaters made for kaam waalis and their families in each of the duplex buildings made for managers)