p for passion

I am today feeling  elated and high not that I am in some kind of influence but sometimes you get to get such a feeling when you are exposed to some instances of triumphs of human endeavor,that really takes  your tiredness out of the system  making you really happy.But the fun part is, this can be coming from anywhere and by-god I tell you it can come from any where.This kind of inspiration can strike you no matter what kind of life you are leading but yes probability of getting inspired gets increased when you know what kind of things inspires and motivates you and so you invariably gets attracted to  it.I get inspired when I meet person who are passionate about their work .Such people really enjoy what they are doing irrespective of the kind of work that they are doing which to common people might seem crazy to an extend. That person might seem to tread a path that is on the wrong side of the "saner" road which a person in normal circumstances is not expected to tread.These kinds of person sadly,are a rare breed nowadays.But on the brighter side,they hardly care in what kind of conditions they reside in or what kinds of constraints they are facing.All that they know is how to do what they like and somehow their entire mindset is structured around the concept of how to maximize their effort to devout their energy towards doing the work that they love doing.He/She can be anyone from any field ,be it a dancer or any other person of this art and culture field like a writer, poet,music instrument player.India has a rich tradition of such experts but sadly such gems and their art form is dying a slow death at the hands of the under-appreciated public who are busy solving their own problems creeping up in their daily chores.But this battle to protect their talent, their knowledge and its rich heritage attached is fiercely fought by those people who know the value of their expertise.I am sure such is the case with many other nations where due to this "monoculture laced consumerist" lifestyle  has in a way diluted their quality of life,but they would proclaim otherwise and argue with you to defend  the same with much vigor and valor.Only thing important in their life is to get the next big thing that their neighbors always have.I must say,this neighbors are always a step ahead of you irrespective of who you are.If its tv then they will have lcd,if you get lcd then they will have led,if you have led then they get hdtv and amazing system to go with it,next it would be threatre television with surround sound and the competition goes on.This is only peek with respect to TV as an example but if you see most of the things that you buy are only because of the neighbor has already bought it.Mind you,this neighbor is not a singular person or family,its the entire locality and yes I am being a bit classist in my approached here,but its intended to those kinds of people having such mindsets only.Sorry for that diversion,but justification being part of writing  blogs is to let out this pent up thought processes.Coming back to where I was,a wild life photographer can be as passionate about his work as can be an ethical journalist.But here comes the issue,if your passionate and dedicated work is hurting the plans of another then there is a clash of interest and in such cases in real life,its not who is correct who wins rather winner is decided by one who wields more power/clout  and money.So many of the passionate people initially joining jobs,services involving influential people with a zeal in mind to do good,to do their work diligently  collides head-on with  this great wall of power,corruption;where they are rudely shocked to wake up and take notice of the realities of life of how actually this world  functions.This lot then becomes disillusioned,dispassionate,disoriented,disinterested in their work and so the system looses another lot of bright minds dimmed by the realities of life ,to them its more like a vagaries of life but that's besides the point.How can a researcher in today's day and age produce unbiased uninfluenced top quality research if the very basis of its starting point starts on the wrong foot.Let me give an unlikely and imaginary (might be real,but you would never know) example,suppose UNEP who so vociferously supports for green technology,dangers of global warming etc etc funds an independent research whose results somehow point to a different viewpoint that contradicts the majority opinion,will such a report be allowed to publish??.If your still in confusion of whether they might be allowed or not  then think of all the green companies that exists specially in environment conscious area like the Europe.They would fight tooth and nail to defend their viewpoints and would use every resource they could resort to pressurize UNEP to disallow such a report to be put in public domain or disband or derecognize such a research group.This is so ,because their very existence may be threatened by such a report .Another example would be a minister who makes grand speeches but knows the real truth of their political party and despite knowing these dirty linens that are washed with utmost secrecy,he wouldn't bat an eyelid speaking exactly opposite of what is right because as I said before,their very existence depend on the success of the political party.A politician has not taken a vow to destroy its nation but has taken a vow to win election at whatever costs possible.So instead of blaming the politicians for all the miseries of common man,we must think about improving the institutional frameworks and inherent practices that allow for such mishaps to occur ( btw nowadays its so common that mishap is not an appropriate word,but its a mishap for a common man in other sense of the word).
Sorry ,almost forgot about why this writeup came about.
http://www.ted.com/talks/paul_nicklen_tales_of_ice_bound_wonderlands.html

J E A L O U S Y

I am a jealous person,I am jealous at those who are sure of themselves.Those who know what to do and how to do it and consequently when to do it.I get jealous for their surety of their work specially the "when" part.I mean ,how do you know that the work that you are doing at the moment is the best work suited for that moment,how can you be so sure that you have fully and succinctly utilized your time so that you do not regret at all for the later moment.This brings me to another set of people who I am jealous about,these are those who live their life without regret ,who might ( or not) contemplate on their past life and never keep a guilt factor within themselves that might in any way affect their future course of action.I mean does the contemplating part and subsequent guilt,happiness,sadness and hosts of other features etc make us human beings.Isn't it the case that,if you don't think about your past or about how others might feel about your behavior towards them makes us some thing that resembles the characteristics of being labelled a less of a human.I mean,without going into the compassion,altruism,love for humanity like feelings I am talking about basic thoughts,thought about  individual level about individuals.
     I believe there are times when we think we are being judged (whether is real or imaginary is immaterial) and act an act that is anything but natural .This in a way affects the act itself that we are doing, more so in a negative manner.Sometimes I wonder,whats the best way to lead a life.Is it like a martial arts expert who keeps on practicing his skills in the sacred shoulin temples and then achieves mastery revered by all or a odissi dancer who keeps on perfecting her movements to such insane levels,but to an normal individual without knowledge of its intricate movements fails to appreciate the volcano of  visual delight being thrown on him/her.Or a doctor who keeps on slogging hard in a hospital to save patients life but sometimes fails to do the same but still carry on operating on the next patients who might have had a lesser change of survival but somehow manages to pull off that patient.Or a social activist who leaves every comfort behind to fight for injustice against the system and in-turn affects his/her personal relationships or a upright politician/bureaucrat/journalist who might know how deep the "rabbit hole" goes and how dirty is this "rabbit hole" and instead of buckling down under pressure keeps on hammering down the mountain of systemic institutional failure that faces them.Or a greatly respected nobel prize winner who now thinks of themselves as belonging to this world not to any specific country,so their ideology is now to concentrate more on all of the worldly problems at his/her field of expertise instead of concentrating on any country as such or such a scholar who goes on searching for real truths of life through its research ,whose sole motto is to gift something precious to this human civilization which might be immensely beneficial or go on doing research just for the sake of academic excellence which might help advance human knowledge in total.

  If such is the thinking of some of us humans,then is the good upbringing of our off-spring and  taking care of our near and dear ones wrong???,if that is sometimes at the cost of others.Similar moral dilemma question came up at the recent "Dr.Savita" case where she lost her life due to pregnancy complications during operations as the country where she was operated at has laws that prohibits terminating a life of a  foetus ( it was said that they are a catholic country,does that implies that they are a killer country where they would if require kill a person in order to save the unborn foetus-I know this is a naive and immature  statement made for the context,but does that take away the fact that a healthy adult life was lost in the process of abiding a law with religious connotations)
  With this comes another set of jealous persons who believe in the concept of "God".If any untoward unforeseen unpleasant or bad experience happens or about to happen,they take solace from the fact that,"God" would sail us through this tough moments of life.This dependence to "God" is something that gives them powers to face that event howsoever unpleasant that incident might have been.If in any kind of trouble "God" please help me out!! is the thought process that runs the minds.I am jealous of such person,they seem to unearth some hidden energy and courage,strength with this "the God" concept and apply to withstand ,sail through their problem.
  I am engulfed in jealousy.

few ramblings

PREPARATION IS A TERM USED IN VARIOUS CONTEXT.My own context is wrt an exam preparation and as an excuse for my lack of holding a job as of now,whether purposefully or not is another matter.Many a time,it seems a world of mountain sits on top of you forcing you to do nothing but such is the peril of preparing for CSE alone.It   feels like a battle is going on inside the head where there is many a times a great fog blurring the vision of doing what is right or what is to be done.But I hope this feeling of disillusionment is nothing unique or new,its inherent in most of us at some points of life whether we like it or not.Apart from this inside battle,a real battle awaits in the exam halls where I felt that I managed to outburst,out pour all those pent up emotions,thoughts which somehow I has unable to express them to the near and dear ones also because of the magnanimity of idealism that it was doused in.But this is itself a potential recipe of disaster because as in my case,my thought process is basically leaning towards leftists side because of the source of information from where I used to satisfy my intellectual hunger and so internally my thought process slowly but surely started to resemble the shape of an idealistic leftists which is sometimes a deal breaker for an exam like CSE  because its said that  preferred people are those who possess "balanced view".Though I as an individual know this as a fact, but in some of the questions I couldn't resist but bring forth my leftists views despite knowing that the amount of marks would drastically be lowered because of this "Idealistsic leftists" view.Bipan chandra,The hindu,videos of sainath,aruna roy,professor jean dreze,vandana shiva ,Joseph Stieglitz,Noam Chomsky rule the roost in my head and its very difficult to separate their views on issues and present a neutral and balanced view and that too in the nick of time in the tense exam hall like situation.If in 5 minutes I have to write a meaningful answer wrt the question being asked,my initial intellectual reaction to the questions in hand becomes the final answer in the answer sheet.
     In this regard,a concept of political science is very useful,thought Though I know it then also my initial inklings make it very difficult.The concept talks of being "Dispassionate" to the study that you are doing ,this is so because in political science we come across various ideologies which has in some time or the other been a powerful tool in the hands of leader to sway the followers to follow certain way of life.So without being dispassionate, it would be very difficult to a pol. sc. student to have objective opinions about the subject at hand and so might in some way obscure their judgements.This is something which I am trying to imbibe in my thought process also,so that I don't get swayed by waves of emotion, even if its reading the "genocide of Rwanda,nellie" or the "Fuel based subsidy" talks of being removed or the "PPP model" questions which I avoided for reasons I better know that might be in severe disagreement with the examiner at hand checking the papers.
  But this dispassionate idea also raises a pertinent question of whether any study done is for the benefit for the society at large whether directly or indirectly or whether study of a subject is done solely for the enhancing of the intellectual ability of the person or/and just for the addition of knowledge for the subject without any consequence for the general society at large.There is the nomethetic and realists debate also among experts in every social science subjects of whether Idealistic projection for future improvement is better or whether society behavior is to be shown as it is and there is no requirement of improvement.Does the experts need to go about reforming,improving,highlighting what ever is wrong in the world at large or does the subject experts  limit themselves to their academic fields and enhance human knowledge which would not only benefit the present generation but also the future generation.I think both schools of thought  have their positives and negatives,so we must maintain a good harmonious balance between them "with" resorting to criticism.Every new discovery needn't be discovered only because it has something useful for society, it may also be discovered due to its inherent enhancement of human knowledge in totality.Further many of the past discoveries had found its use in common life many years later for eg. microwave used for scientific and astronomical research in now found in our kitchen as microwave oven.So when concept of microwave was discovered ,none could imagine at that time that a chicken could be grilled using the concepts of microwave in a kitchen.
   I am now again thinking of beginning to resume 'my information dance' sooner then later with the hope of a better future ahead.

atiyau jodi  axom baxi bur xui thake, eta bahut dan'or gaaru(pillow o )  bisaribo lagibo.I think we must force the authority to prioritise the case and fast track it by various means.When the whole of India and along with people of assam has been so voiciferous of this incident,the sleepy services needs to be kept on toes.
  I am here reminded of keenan and friend's death who stood up against the mob similarly abusing a girl that happened last year in mumbai.Be it b'lore or delhi or patna or kolkatta such incidents are something not out of the blue.The proud decendents of a 5000 yr old civilization famous for morality righteousness etc. now cannot keep their own children safe.
  We must accept the fact that morality has declined in every sphere of life,we must now come out in the open with all issues ,assam like any other states has lots of problems hiding them under the carpet shouldn't be acceptable.
  The video was so depressing , all the cars slowing down having a good look and driving past, onlookers enjoying the scenes, cameraman well,nothing to say on him.

Just thoughts

Just thoughts

it seems very odd and an eerie feeling of where we as human civilization are heading to.This opening statement might piss off 90% percent of the people that they just might ignore what all is happening all around and even if its happening they turn a blind eye to it and led themselves to believe that all is well and that life is going on as well is its supposed to.
Let me get to down to some specifics, Inequality , rise of politi-corporates nexus happily aided by the bureaucrats.What worries me the worst is the fact that technology and intellect can be misused and has been misused by people with money and power and very readily allowed by the people who control them. Right from the economic crisis 2008 where the economics disipline was at fault to a greater extend to have sung the tune of the corporates regarding the economies of the world doing well untill to such an extend that it was way beyond the control of anyone to stop this avalanche of destruction taking away savings, jobs of millions around the world.
Or to the discipline of biology (biotechnolgy and oncology to be precise) where any discovery at the labs serve as a means of money making proposition with scant regards to excellence or outcome which might have lead to, if it had been purely on an academic endeavour .Any new discovery is immediately linked to its monetary value to such an extend that the new compound, genome sequence, chemical etc etc would not be shared with other experts so that others don't monetize their discovery and inturn loosing out of an amazing oppurtunity to coordinate collaborate to find and discover more with the help of each other's expertise.This trend is begining to be questioned and harvard medical is at forefront of this opensource medical science,my best wishes with them
check this link :http://www.ted.com/talks/jay_bradner_open_source_cancer_research.html
Or to the exploitation of mother earth of its natural resources by few giant corporation , who have scant regards for anything except for a term of economics called "profit maximization" .For it they are willing to stoop to such levels that i wonder when such ghastly decisions are taken by the boardrooms of such corporations, what justification satisfies even the saniest of the persons in it.The permission are of course given by the govt. concerned whose intentions i would be dealing in a bit , but there must be many a person who has not lost its head and the word empathy still lingers around their thought process.If such persons do exist in such boardrooms ( i would like to believe that they do) who knows along with others the full implications of such decisions, how are such voices being muted to pass a resolution that literally intends to destroy the whole of earth bit by bit, make the people living around (mostly tribal, indigenous peoples whose voices are seldom powerful to be heard and who don't fully realise the implication of such a destruction untill its too late) .Funnily till now also i.e 2012 there is propaganda being spread in parts of US that global warming is the greatest hoax being spread by mankind.I have to smile at the innocence at the attempt of doing so, infact a recent senetor has publised a book in the similar lines.I know, I know its hard to believe as i am a no one as of now, so this link might clear up the doubt.
http://www.amazon.com/Greatest-Hoax-Warming-Conspiracy-Threatens/dp/1936488493
Finally there is of course the highly talked about middle class ( i call them the DKDC people=don't know don't care people).In the country i live ,India ,there is this great talk about the great Indian middle class and its subsequent rise mainly since the LPG (liberelization, privatisation,globalisation) of 1991 done as if solely by the present PM (As if , others were having a nap and suddenly out of nowhere this great idea descended upon our beloved economist's head and eureka moment stuck at the dark nightly hour of our crumbling country at a precise fictitious date leading us to where we are today and thus saving our huge country from going default).If u look at carefully at the history of India since Independence and subsequently follow the economy of India along with it,the inevitable conclusion you would find is that LPG'91 was a natural outcome of the mismanagement our economic policies (mostly the later stages) and also a few international factors like the wars being fought in middle east increasing the oil prices and also the global inflation along with it.What manmohan did was simply went begging for money to the World band and IMF and inturn this ruthless and western countries controlled institutions imposed conditions (which has always been the story of these institutions w.r.t many of the poor and developing countries, thereby making their economy dependent on them )which paved the way for ensuing relaxing of the License Raj Inspector system having many more effects(both good and bad) , the dicussion of which is another big story (Would follow it up some other time where i would try to argue about how it changed the economics of majority of Indians to a worser situation).But the fact remains the present facebook hungry, multiplex going junta of my country atlist is unaware of many of the past of India (recent past also ) and happily going on munching their burgers and maggi (i not saying they shouldn't, but atlist try to know how has India been to the present situation and whats its journey been like).Many of us dont't know about the vineet narain case, of the GM crops battle and also the farmers suicides related to it and also that its still on going, subversion of judiciary and law and order have been the benefit of the previleged, how hegemony of the powerful countries play a crucial role in formulating policies of our country there by putting a question mark on the very word of REPUBLIC ,this list is goes very long but the fact is that i have managed to marvel at how the different central and state govt. are very particular about hiding such incidents from the main stream media (not from the main stream media to be precise, but with the help of many of the media persons itself ).Media, what can i say ,that is another great Indian story (Remember the radia tapes), i gotta devote some time to these great friends to Indian democracy sometime later,projecting itself as upholders of the fourth pillar of democracy and succeding very little (Many of them are also doing a great job but that many falls in a minority if we try out a survey and compare out the ratio, which is impossible as anyone might have guessed but nonetheless ).
Just to make things clear ,i was also one of the DKDC ones but now have tried to educate (another great sham in this country of billion) myself up to many a such issues which was very alien to me untill a year ago.So i do not blame the common man for their ignorance and their lack of appreciation of many of the right things going on presently, but the fact remains as said by one of the greatest progagandist of all times "hitler" in his "War Propaganda", in volume 1, chapter 6 of Mein Kampf (1925), given misattribution to Joseph Goebbels (another great progagandist who said - If you tell a big lie enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. )
hitler said "But the most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly and with unflagging attention. It must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over. Here, as so often in this world, persistence is the first and most important requirement for success. ".cYAoo

1.idealistic childhood

i am perplexed at everything around me it seems, the debate of idealist vs a realist is an eternal one and i believe, no one group can assert its complete dominance over the other.Btw let me clear my stand at the outset to relieve many of the respective believers who would much more be concerned with what a famous opponent would say then a no one like me.I would like to believe myself to be an idealist and would try to convince others with the words of argument to present my viewpoints.
Also idealist with respect to what you may ask, basically capitalism would be a good point to start with.
Any child who is born free and encouraged to do so or rather left on his own would be assuming a world where everything is good, hunky dory with out any bad people .The world is full of chocolates, the sun, the trees, the rivers, the breeze, the bubbles in his bathtub,endless.As he grows old, he would realise that there are few grey areas, domestic violence, big brats beating up the smaller ones, the poor beggar asking alms,road side accident may be or may be theft at the near by store etc, i know i am all imagining things up.But the point i am trying to make is that even as a child we as human species can observe certain wrong doings, wrong things, wrong sayings, wrong acts of nature to give the tiny little body of a kid a tiny little jolt to come out of that idealistic world that we as a kid cover ourselves with.Also many kids are also not that lucky, i mean if you are born in a migrant laborer in India then your change of mobility , leave aside mobility your chance of survival and then chance of growing up a healthy child afterwards is abysmally low or a child born in conflict ridden areas of "the horn of africa" where mothers have to teach their children one of the most difficult lessons in life 'how to control your hunger when you are hungry' or a child in born in mine affected areas of vietnam, courtsey USA's fear psychosis of spread of socialism in that country where US had to somehow enter the war and kill even its own citizens and of course more so the vietnamese (even leading thinkers like chomsky believe it was an unjust war) , here the vietnamese child has the luxury of one or more of its limbs short due to a mishap of blowing up a limb while playing in a mine infected area unknowingly with absolutely no fault of theirs or may be a child born in bolivia's slum poverty prevailing area, one of the poorest countries of south america or a child born in north korea (i need not go into what happens there, brain washed squeaky clean children with propagandist ideology being ingrained into the naive, innocent, vulnerable minds )
If somehow you escape being born in a family in such places in the world , in fact there are much more such places in the world then the well to do families and also you need to have a conducive environment at home, at school, good friends to stimulate discussions then you could be able to think independently, rationally, logically, secularly, thinking on egalitarian thoughts, equality, justice , moral..this list is also endless, of good desirable qualities.I mean this sort of jargon wouldn't seem to concern a small kid you would say, all i am saying is you need not learn exactly the terms but you learn by examples or other ways to imbibe certain principles like this , let me give you an example to argue my point, since childhood we are taught to share( mostly food, may be books etc) , is it not a quality of egalitarianism is it not a quality of equality.
So to reiterate my point, if we are born in a relatively secure environment with adequate protection and a environment where there is stimulus and resource for education, health etc. , then a child can question questions, the child can put a why behind every facts he have learned, a child can put forth a view which is entirely fresh or a new perspective to a conventionally accepted opinion, in a way this is where i believe, something new is discovered or a new way of thinking is emerged, in turn changing the direction of an entire civilisation in some cases, this might seem a way bit out of the top to some, if not too much out of the top,but how do you think a civilisation develops in most societies, the incas, the aztecs, the harappas, the chinese, the greeks, the roman etc etc.I believe one of the most crucial aspects of a civilization to prosper is to excel in fields like education which in turn leads to excelling in many other fields like science, manufacturing, social science, astronomy, mathematics etc and this can only happen when there is peace and peaceful intellectually stimulating environment, i mean if you are all the time at war defending your borders and defeating newer ones how do you expect thinkers , mathematicians, artists, writers, intellectual to flourish and this can only happen if you can well educated right from childhood.This doesn't in any way imply that a person not educated in childhood can't achieve greatness or cannot be a part of the intellectual elite, but having a childhood education certainly enhances the chance to become one.
So free, independent education in childhood is one of the key factors in a society to become better society itself.In fact, a society can be measured of its greatness simply by the system of eduction being prevalent and quality of education being propagated to the next generation.
This relatively idealistic ideas ingrained naturally then slowly but surely starts to erode with growing in age and slowly but surely bogs down with the burdens of life...cont.

ahh well! this week has been a week of movies, i suppose boredom and internet makes you see loads of movies it seems...so ysterday after band baaja..saw this amazing masterpiece -Roman polanski's "the pianist"..what can i say about this movie..it just blew my mind away...rather made me so so cynical of this entire human race , you could just enter into the 1940's world through this great director's lens and see the destruction , the valueless of human life, the sheer magnitude of chaos and anarchy being spread by The Wehrmacht, the sheer amount of cruelty inflicted by a person to another just because he is of another rather an unwanted race according to the pure race (which was according to them), the ideology was so flawed yet it attracted so many a person that an entire nation seem to agree to it and of course even if many dint agree the one at the top was unflinchingly devoted to the cause of exterminating the inferior race, it was such a depressing movie that the whole day today i was unable to get that movie off my mind..all due credit to the master polanski..
People say when u experience something its more easy to relate it to rather then just reading ,seeing ,hearing and this master piece of a movie wouldn't have been so if the director didn't himself experienced it 1st hand of the brutalities inflicted upon them.I can just go gaga over the movie be it the playing of piano by the lead actor or be it the searching of food by Szpilman and the way in which he eats those dal seeds raw or the way in which the old man was the eating the thrown food on street like a cat licking up milk from a bowl or the moment before the commander reloads his pistol while the last of the old man was just waiting to be shot in the head.It was really painful to be watching that movie and hence cant stop marveling the director's class in creating the environment of that unimaginable era of human history.

So to get that movie out of my system i happen to watch this X-men movie the latest 1, its called first class, i mean all those who know X-men already know the story and stuff they do , so i wasn't expecting much from it , adding to the fact that unlike most english movies it was like the previous movie- a grueling 2 hrs..but surprisingly it was a refreshing sort of very fresh take on the same old story of marvel comics.This movie talks of how it all began, how magneto became magneto, how prof Xavier was confined to his chair like hawkings, of course hawkings had an additional voice issue.
The movie was really good, in such types of fantasy movies its the imagination of the director or the persons involved in imagining that creates the boundaries of what the heroes can or cannot do and the crew did a wonderful job creating this very good story line.Funnily , turns out, the X-Men were responsible in avoiding WW-III in this world through some awesome powers they all possess.

The movie got me to reiterate a thought which i always believed in , that is- the choices that u make are responsible for the kind of person u become.But once u had taken that choice you should stand by it , that shows your character..just reminded me of bhishma pitamah or devbrath the guardian of hastinapur ,though he knew what is right and whom to support choose to abide by his promise and fight against his own kins.Yeh! this is a weird comparison , so what...2day i can safely say that i wasted a lot of time , i need to be doing much more books study rather then LSTV,RSTV,internet from tomorrow onwards. Cyaa GN OR RATHER GM, its fucking 2:30

2:20 2012

2.20 am in the 2012 , don't try to check if its some kinda symmetry as its not.Again today felt like i should be blogging something down.Its been almost 10 days since i have living alone in this big house and almost interacting with no 1 except ..few calls here and there to tell some of my friends that yeah i am alive.
Just watched band baaja baraat and felt somehow good and somehow bad too , btw the movie was good according to bollywood standards and have to appreciate both lead characters role which was portrayed very realistically i must say and at time it did ring the similarity bells in my ears .
You meet this great girl in ur 1st job in chandigarh and you work together, roam the streets nd gardens of chandigarh , discuss everything under the sun and party together except the party that girl gives to the whole gang and you back out coz you have to meet and help a friend of yours for accommodation and all of a sudden in a few days in the next month you decide to leave that job with out telling her the reason and she being the dignified girl she asks about my quiting through some of my common friends.I was such a dick and this fucking movie seems to remind me of that month, when the lead actor in a scene where he was thinking and when his helper asks if he is alright , he tells that he is an ass( not the double cheeked 1, but the real 1), its the story of many a good guys i am sure, who couldn't understand how to react and the girl just waits for reaction if none then moves on only to realise later on that both were wrong.
Enough of senti stuff, i was trying to justify my decision to go for economics major but the preparation seem to be going slower then i would like it to be and staying alone seems to make this journey slower, except for current stuff i need to get a hold of myself and do g.s stuff very diligently.Part of me think if i had made a mistake of going in this way, i mean if luck would have had my way then i could also be have been working in CSC and not worry about all the shit i had to go through this past year and worry about the next expenditure , but part of me never wanted to live those rosy tainted life where everything seems to be hunky dorky from outside but in the inside its pure bat shit stuff goin on, ur ass is in the line of fire 5 days a week if not 6 and for whom are u working your ass off??, for some shitty prick who also followed that same path of butt licking lifestyles to arrive at that managerial post.
I can safely say that i need not feed my father in the sence that my father has got a stable job and hence that luckily gives me the freedom to follow a path i wish to and dad has been till now agreeing to all my whims and fancies , coz many in India or for that matter in the world does not have this freedom.One thing that i have seen is that people compromise on their life and lead a life that would otherwise not have lead had they had the brains to think about what they actually want to do in life, this is particularly true in a country like India where competition is so intense in most fields if not all.
I have been watching lots of movies lately thanks to idmb and piratebay.org and pure boredom of living alone talking to no 1 and guys like deff in pirate bay who uploads these cool 300-400 mb movies so download takes less of a time and few of them were really good for eg. 50/50 ,bridesmaid,crazy stupid love, a lonely place to die,horrible boss,death at a funeral etc now i wish to start doing what needs to be done.1 thing that i learned is that life is much more brutal then one can imagine, its really bad ,so if u think that oneday you would become what ever you wanted to become it might so easily become untrue and no one would bat an eyelid for that(i mean why and who would ), unfulfilled wishes are i think the most common things happening to any thinking species on earth and its so common that sometimes its really scary but remaining strong is the option you have got for any chance of getting to what you would really like to get.Other wise the easy often trodden path is always there like a drain in the sideways of a road that are there ,if u can't walk in the road then alist you could squirm your way through the shitty drains
btw i learned to cook rice living alone besides the maggi egg bhurji combo i have seem to perfect

drains and bhurji seems a mismatch but wtfkkkkkkkkkkk